Let's face it; there isn't much of a chance that Dan Pastorini will ever win another one of these things, so let's get all we know about him out of the way with one big writeup.

There's a reason we have taken to calling him "Asstorini" in the TLL, after all. His big game in Week 7 was the very rare exception to the well-established rule of his suckitude.

Dan Pastorini got arrested for driving while intoxicated back in 2010. According to the Houston Chronicle. his girlfriend told him, "There is only one thing that's going to come between you and me, and that's your drinking." Pastorini decided that he needed her in his life a lot more than he needed drinking, and he made her a promise then and there that he'd never have another drink. Shortly after his conversation with his girlfriend, he got a call from his former coach, the late Bum Phillips, and made the same promise to him. It's a promise he hasn't broken.

When Pastorini made the promise to Phillips, the old coach responded, "Well, I know how you are with your promises."

In 1978, Pastorini made Phillips a promise that he'd be in the lineup for an important game. That might not sound like a big deal, but there was a catch. In a game the previous week against the vaunted Pittsburgh Steelers' Steel Curtain defense, Pastorini suffered three cracked ribs. As he lay in the hospital receiving treatment, two men entered the room: one carrying a paper bag, one with a baseball bat. As Pastorini rose sharply out of his bed, the man with the bat asked him to remain calm. The other man pulled a new invention out of the bag, strapped it around his midsection, and stood stock-still as the man with the bat proceeded to batter him in the chest. The man with the new device took blow after blow without injury. That invention became known as the flak jacket.

Seeing this, Pastorini gained the confidence he needed to play the next week against the Cincinnati Bengals, a game the Oilers won on their way to the AFC Championship game with Dan Pastorini at the helm. He was the first player ever to play a game in a flak jacket, an item that has become standard equipment for NFL passers since then.

What may not have become standard equipment in your kitchen is Dan Pastorini's BBQ Rub, which you can find more information about at dpqualityfoods.com. He's just another in a long line of TLL players associated with barbecue products, including former Oiler teammate Earl Campbell and Lions' running back Billy Sims.

These days, Dan can be found uttering such one-liners as "Fuck Drew Brees." After a 2011 settlement with the NFL led to a $620 million expansion of the NFLPA's "Legacy Fund" for players who retired before 1993, Pastorini expressed his displeasure: "I'm going to get an extra $1000 a month. Big fucking deal." Brees, in a radio interview the same day of the settlement, noted some disagreement with Pastorini's carefully-crafted critique. "There's some guys out there," Brees said, "that have made bad business decisions. They took their pensions early because they never went out and got a job. They've had a couple of divorces and they're making payments to this place and that place. And that's why they don't have money. And they're coming to us to basically say, 'Please make up for my bad judgment.' In that case, that's not our fault as players."

In a week where Dan Asstorini went 8/9 for 280 yards and four touchdowns in the Rams' 44-16 dismantling of their division-rival falcons, we at the TLL can all join him in saying, "Fuck Drew Brees."